Going Back Read online

  I was with a lot of blokes when they died, obviously, being the doctor. And you just wonder about what they gave their lives for. But yes, it does make you think about all that and it also makes you think about how lucky we are all here.5

  The highlight for Ted was going back to Long Tan and standing in the rubber. He had been involved in treating casualties from the evening before and after the battle, and the significance of the Long Tan Cross is definitely not lost on him. As he said, ‘It meant a lot.’ Ted also took part in Medcaps out to villages like Xuyen Moc, Binh Gia and Hoa Long, and for the medico they were highlights of the trip he says he will always cherish. Doctors take the Hippocratic Oath to treat their fellow man regardless of whose side of the conflict they may be on.6 This was brought home to Ted when he returned to Long Hai and met the former enemy, as he recalled:

  I thought that was great. They were just the same as us. I didn’t feel particularly uncomfortable about treating the enemy wounded. In fact, I thought they deserved to be treated well. And they were [treated well] by our guys.7

  Ted believes that returning veterans should be aware that Viet Nam is not as easy a place to visit as when ‘we were soldiers once and young’, adding that veterans should ‘just make sure that they are reasonably healthy’. Ted believes that returning is very much an individual choice, but one that he’d recommend: ‘I’d say, “Go. Go and bloody do it.” And go and do it now. Don’t wait another five years.’8

  Peter Isaacs is always a deep thinker and often talked about the political side of the conflict (not a recommended subject a lot of the time), but he thought that his return visit had altered his views:

  I thought, probably until this trip, that we were right to have participated in the war. I’m not so sure now, but at the time I certainly thought we were right. I felt the loss of our 25 men quite deeply . . . I don’t know, I’m confused, but like soldiers before us, we did our duty, we served, and that is good enough for me now.9

  For Peter, the highlight of his pilgrimage was ‘meeting my comrades again’. Comradeship means much to Peter, who lives and works on the other side of the globe, so for him it was more about being with his mates rather than the symbolism of a pilgrimage. He enjoyed his trip, had no regrets about it, but added: ‘I would never have come alone. And I’ll not come again. I have satisfied my curiosity . . . absolutely.’

  Peter views the development of Viet Nam as being ugly, but appreciates the tenacity of the people: ‘Looking at the faces of those kids at Binh Gia: they are the future. It’s their grandfathers on one side that I have great admiration for . . . The ARVN soldiers who fought gallantly in many instances.’10

  Ben Morris was glad that he and his second wife Jenny made the effort, even though he had been back twice before and Jenny had to return early due to work commitments. He wasn’t sure if veterans should come back alone as they might not be able to get clearances if travelling singly, and reflected on the benefit of having his wife with him on the pilgrimage. He appreciated:

  just being able to talk to Jenny about a lot of things that I haven’t been able to in the past. She’s gone home with a lot more wisdom about that particular side of things. Having Jenny being able to see other people and saying, ‘Oh, that’s what you’re talking about . . . Now I understand where you’re coming from.’ So from the relationship point, it was great.11

  Ben was also worried whether leaving a return trip for ‘something to do later’ would be wise:

  The big problem I see for groups coming here in the future, if they don’t do it in the next five years, most of what we know and see is going to be totally obliterated. And you’ve got to realise that Vung Tau to Ba Ria is now one long big conurbation. And there’s people now living where there were no people . . . Nui Dat hill may not be there in five years.12

  Cattle breeder and beef baron Fred Pfitzner had his tongue firmly in his cheek when he said he was glad he came on the 5 RAR pilgrimage because it got him out of the calving on his New South Wales property just outside Canberra. He was serious, though, when he remarked that the highlight for him was ‘going to Long Tan’. Fred served as the Director of Infantry during his career, and remains strongly imbued with the regimental spirit. He explained that Long Tan was so important:

  because of its significance to the regiment in particular— although I wasn’t at or in any way involved in the battle. It is just a place of pilgrimage for members of the regiment. All wars are like that. There’s one point of commemoration of campaigns or major battles. There’s not little bits of skirmishes here and there. So that’s one point and it’s the appropriate point. And if we were never allowed back to the Balmoral and Coral areas it wouldn’t really matter because the Regiment’s memorial is there.13

  Fred enjoyed the camaraderie of the journey back and loved having a beer with his mates at the end of a day’s touring. It refreshed him, and he said, ‘just reacting with other people reminds you of things you’ve forgotten’. Fred’s only regret was that his wife Helen was not able to join him because of her demanding work commitments, but Fred vowed, ‘I’ll come back some other time and go to the areas in the central highlands when I came over in 1965.’

  What impressed Fred was the manner in which the Vietnamese people have got on with rebuilding their country since the war:

  Because they’ve got one government that’s going to be here forever, in their view, and they’re taking the long-term view that politically our governments never do and they seem to have a blueprint for the future. And that’s evident, I think. And good luck to them. And once they get the oil and gas sorted out, I mean, you’d expect it’ll boom. It would have been pretty sad if it hadn’t moved on.14

  Like Fred, Ron Shambrook was extremely glad that he came, and he also was sans wife as his good lady fell ill just prior to the trip and couldn’t travel. She insisted Ron make the pilgrimage with the 5 RAR men, because ‘she knew how much it meant to me’, Ron said wistfully.

  Ron’s highlights were that he ‘got to identify some of the areas where we served. It brought back to me a lot of memories that perhaps had been put away in my mind somewhere.’ The fellowship was good for Ron as well: ‘Just talking to the other people on tour—that would trigger an item or a period of time, and I’ve enjoyed that very much indeed.’ Ron found the day at An Nhut especially emotional.

  That was a very gut-wrenching day for me because I’d been relieving for some ten days as the SO3 officer at Task Force Headquarters. I took over Charlie Company in the field. Within half an hour of that, Bravo Company drove past. Having been 2IC Bravo Company for quite some time, we identified each other and made all sorts of comments and remarks to each other as they drove past. And not too many minutes later down the track there was this loud noise, puff of quite black smoke that went into the air. And dust. And of course that was the loss of many of my close friends in Bravo Company.15

  John Taske believed that the pilgrimage had lived up to expectations. ‘It was a great trip and well worthwhile.’ The dramatic and massive changes in the urban development and basic infrastructure didn’t faze him. As he said:

  We could hardly recognise anything. One pleasant surprise was that where I spent six months in about 100 metres by 400 metres in the first six months of that tour in the Nui Dat rubber plantation, it was still like it was.16

  John has remarried since he served in Viet Nam, and thought it was a great idea that his wife Tina accompanied him. ‘This gave her a very good insight into that part of my life, which is important.’ Interestingly, John said he ‘wouldn’t have come back on my own and gone through battlefields. I might have come back to go through the rest of the country . . . But no, I would not have gone to the battlefields.’17

  Even though he was instrumental in getting the 5 RAR pilgrimage off the ground, Roger Wainwright expressed the feeling before he came that he wasn’t sure if the pilgrimage was going to be good or bad for him, but this was the best way to find out—regardless. Afterwards he said he was �
��very pleased and glad’ he had done the trip. He reflected on what his group had achieved:

  There were a few of the things that I really wanted to see, and I think we’ve done that. And I think the other thing is that down the track we’ve come back to what I see is a very progressive country. Just to see the infrastructure and things like that which are happening—this country’s going to go a long way.18

  Coming back with his wife of 36 years, Tina, was important to Roger, ‘because over many years she’s been to reunions, and she comes along and hears all the stories’. Tina was present during the interview and nodded her head vigorously, adding, ‘I have heard them all!’ Roger continued, ‘What Tina has seen now, she’s seen first hand, and I think she’ll understand a little more about the “warries” that we tend to spin at these reunions.’

  But Roger got more out of his trip back than just having a more knowledgeable partner; for him the main thing was being with his fellow soldiers. Roger did not wish to sound elitist, but explained why they had an officer-only group:

  [It was] the camaraderie, the spirit, the feeling between us. This trip was initiated when we laid up the battalion colours in Wagga in April last year [2004]. And the reason we did that was because we had about 17 officers from the first tour turn up from all over the country just to lay up the colours. And that shows the bond that we’ve got between us. It’s stayed strong to this day, and that’s why.19

  Dr Tony White was grinning when asked if he had enjoyed his pilgrimage with his family. ‘I’m thrilled,’ he said. ‘I think it’s been just wonderful.’ One of Tony’s highlights was revisiting his old tent lines:

  Particularly for me the 5 RAR battalion site was very evocative. And to be confident of the exact locations within a matter of metres of the battalion headquarters, and my RAP [regimental aid post], and even to sort of having an intelligent guess as to where my tent was. That was a very emotional sort of moment. It’s been superb.20

  Returning with his wife and son to where he served on active service was important to Tony. He explained:

  I’m very pleased and very proud. Because I think when there’s some big event in somebody’s life who’s dear to you and it’s just a sort of cloudy thing . . . it makes the whole thing a lot more real and clear and less of a mystery. And so I’m very grateful they came.21

  Another great moment for Tony was the memorial service in the rubber at Nui Dat. He continued:

  And I thought that little service at Tiger Pad was just spot on . . . There we were on that patch of real estate where we’d spent that time, and just doing our duty to those blokes who didn’t make it back. And I think they would be grateful for that. And the whole Battalion Association would be grateful for that. That’s a sort of chunk of my past which it’s nice to be able to visit and commemorate in some way.22

  The partners

  It is one thing for servicemen who have worked together to get together, but for their partners it can be daunting knowing they are going to spend the next couple of weeks touring with a group they might hardly know. Ted Heffernan’s wife Joy was also a little worried about their reception by the Vietnamese, but those concerns were soon dispelled: ‘I found the Vietnamese people to be very, very friendly,’ she said. ‘And yes, I’ve been very impressed with the country. It is beautiful.’ Coming to Viet Nam from Melbourne was a bit tough for Joy at first.

  We left a cold climate and when we came here it was very, very hot. And so I didn’t expect it to be so—[even] having lived in Singapore and Malaysia for three years. Having just spent a week in Singapore a couple of months ago, you’d think I would have expected the humidity. But in fact it was a lot hotter than I expected, and just visiting the areas in the heat was a little bit hard at times.23

  Joy may have been finding the heat and humidity hard but it certainly didn’t stop her enjoying herself and the company of the other partners on the trip. Before downing a bottle of champagne one evening by the pool in Vung Tau she confided in me that she ‘didn’t drink’, so she was obviously on a rehydration program that only included French alcoholic beverages. Joy sheepishly admitted:

  Well, it was a lot of fun. And it was a great bonding of all the ladies . . . And it was great that we were all sort of fit women together and we were able to cope with the experience. I enjoyed all that. I thought it was a great adventure.24

  Tina Wainwright was in on the ground floor of the planning and execution of the 5 RAR pilgrimage because her husband Roger is president of the battalion association and was a chief organiser of the officers’ trip. Tina was ‘very glad’ that she accompanied Roger, because ‘it’s just a fascinating country. It’s a lovely country. And I think it’s terrific to see the development.’ Tina’s highlights were:

  the three ceremonies. It’s rather lovely to be able to do it in this country for those men [who died]. The three: Long Tan, the Bourne incident [An Nhut] and Tiger Pad. Probably because of what they meant to Roger.25

  When the group visited Nui Dat, it rained right on cue as they were having a picnic lunch. Everyone just stood out in the rain and ate their lunch. That made an impression on Tina, who reflected:

  You can visualise or you can have a small comprehension [as] somebody who’s never been in a war. You can at least imagine. But seeing the ground was important. You can [look at] photographs, but the smells, and looking, and all the senses [make it real].26

  John Taske’s wife Tina said of her trip, ‘I would not have missed it for the world; coming with no expectations; going home with a feeling of warmth, love, and respect more than anything.’ When asked to elaborate, Tina explained she felt:

  respect firstly for the Australian soldiers who fought here; secondly I have a huge respect for the Vietnamese people, which I didn’t have before I came. I had never been to an Asian country before—it was difficult for me because I didn’t know what to expect—but I would not have missed it for the world. I am a seasoned traveller, but not to Asian countries, and it was difficult for me in the first instance, but I can honestly say now that it was fantastic.27

  Tina was unable to accompany her husband John on the second half of the pilgrimage, which was really an extended R&R for the touring party, but she said there were several highlights of her trip:

  One was with Roger [Wainwright] when he showed me a photograph and he said, ‘These are my men, this photograph was taken about ten minutes before these men were killed.’ I just stopped, I couldn’t think . . . everything just stopped. And then we went to the place where these men were killed and I felt an enormous loss, an enormous loss. I can’t describe it any other way but it was just this huge loss. For life, for family, for everyone there more than anything. Secondly standing at the memorial for the Australian soldiers in the rubber at Long Tan. Walking through the rubber trees; I walked alone for a little while and tried to imagine, I wanted to imagine what it was like with the noise, the guns, bombs and smoke—people with ripped and torn flesh. It crippled my brain and I couldn’t. To me it was very moving and once again I felt an enormous amount of respect for these men. And I think there was another moment too when Paul [Greenhalgh] talked about The Horseshoe area and Fort Wendy and I thought, God this is so fantastic, here was a man who was desperate to get home and all he could think about was the woman he loved at home, but here he was doing what he had to do and he managed to mix the two quite nicely until he didn’t like the outcome for him. I thought it was really, really nice; it was so lovely to watch Wendy come back with Paul and be part of something that was 39 years ago, which is as strong today as it was then.28

  When asked how she felt as a woman who had not known her husband when he was in Viet Nam on active service, and as a second wife trying to fit in, Tina was straightforward in her reply:

  This was a great group, there was no doubt about it. There was no animosity; there were no great moments of tension as you often find in groups. This was a group of people who just bonded, they just melded together and it was just lovely. I adored the
women, the ladies were sensational; the men were just gorgeous. The only thing about the bus was that there was no toilet [laughs]. That’s all.29

  And from a woman who brought a new meaning to the words ‘retail therapy’ and who looked like she could take to the catwalk on any given day in the heat and humidity of Viet Nam and still knock the socks off anyone watching, she added:

  It was fantastic. I would recommend it to any woman who has doubts, or any partner who has doubts about what their husband/partner did or whatever, I heartily recommend that you bring your partner because it will bring you closer together and I think that is what it has actually done for me—it has made me understand my husband more.30

  Wendy Greenhalgh was asked what she took home from the pilgrimage and replied a little warily, watching her husband’s reactions:

  I’m only looking at it [as] the wife of Paul, and I’m just so pleased that we’re here and it worked out and everything was happy. And I think he’s got something out of it. I think he’s a bit more forgiving. Maybe. But things have come together and I just believe we’ve had a bit of completion here.31

  Wendy found the trip remarkable for many reasons, but was especially moved by the Memorial Cross at Long Tan:

  I found it incredibly sad there, that all those Viet Cong are also dead. I felt really depressed about war. I put my anti-war hat on definitely then. It just all seemed so sad that it ever happened. All those dead bodies and the poor mothers and sisters and brothers who will never ever know where their kin is buried.32

  Doffy White has been married to her doctor husband Tony since 1968 and has heard the stories—which didn’t get much airing until only a few years ago—and with their son Rupert enjoyed the trip immensely. Doffy thought the highlights were: